Am I just paranoid?

hey everyone, I haven't really been posting lately, been busy. but yeah, so, I wanna describe a whole story about me, my girlfriend, and my best friend... I don't know why I want to, but, I need to get this off my chest... ready? ok...

so, it all starts out, that my girlfriend (she wasn't my gf at the time) likes my best friend, but he doesn't find her attractive, so he never asks her out or anything. now me, I find her attractive, and I liked her, well, my best friend actually started going out with my gf's best friend (the 4 of us had been friends before all of this) well, once she saw she had no chance with him, then she came to me, and since I liked her, I asked her out. we've been going out ever since... now, about a month later, my best friend (ok, this is getting annoying to say all this, so, my best friend is josh, his ex is sarah, and my gf is alicia) a month later sarah broke up with josh, then she became a total b**** and stopped hanging out with us. now, alicia and josh started hanging out everyday at school (I'm homeschooled, so, I can't be there) and then at lunch times alicia had started walking home for lunch everyday, and then she would invite josh to go with her after a while, so, after a while, they both went to her house everyday. often times when no one else was there... but then alicia would call me everyday when they got to her house, and all I could really hear was giggling and what sounded like to me, flirting from josh. well, jealousy starts striking, and I get kinda mad, but after assuring me that she wasn't cheating, then I let it go... well, a while later, josh is carrying around a picture of alicia in his wallet... he's always hanging out with her, and they are apparently "bestist buddys in the whole wide world" that's what they said... and it just seems to me, that, "hey, maybe josh stopped being so shallow and realized how wonderful she is" but that's not necessarily a good thing... then alicia has a dream that she kissed him... and now that school is out, they don't go to her house for lunch anymore... I though that maybe the fact that they don't get to see each other everyday would make me less jealous... but now he invited her over to his house to go swimming today... just the two of them, in a pool... wearing almost nothing... and it's one thing if the three of us were there, but it's just them, and the thing is, I'm alone at home doing nothing, and they could've invited me, but chose not to........

so there's my story, so, am I really just paranoid, cause to me it sounds like she's cheating... but, I trust her... but... I don't trust josh, and I believe he may be trying to steal her from me, and the fact that she used to like him doesn't help much... am I really just paranoid, or do I have the right to be jealous? thanks for reading

Sounds like you have good grounds upon which to be suspicious. The bottome line is that from what you tell us... it looks like there is a bit more going on than just buddies. Maybe inviting them both over to your house and seeing how she treats you would be a good idea, you'd get to see if she would have much to do with you while he's around. If she hovers around him the whole time it would say a whole lot about where her feelings lie.

I'm not very good at this stuff though. Just hope you can work things out. Good luck.

Originally Posted by: RenisenbSounds like you have good grounds upon which to be suspicious. The bottome line is that from what you tell us... it looks like there is a bit more going on than just buddies. Maybe inviting them both over to your house and seeing how she treats you would be a good idea, you'd get to see if she would have much to do with you while he's around. If she hovers around him the whole time it would say a whole lot about where her feelings lie.

I'm not very good at this stuff though. Just hope you can work things out. Good luck.

I've been in the company of both at the same time. and while she hangs around me, then he puts on this "I'm so alone, nobody love me" kinda look on his face, which I believe he does only for attention, then she trys to comfort him...

Originally Posted by: PonyOnewith josh, well, the pool thing... whatever... i've seen female friends naked before with no sexual connotations, but, the whole pic-in-wallet thing combined with the pool and the increased time together; yeah, i'd be really suspicious. but, how long were he and sarah together, how serious were they, and when did they break up?[/QUOTE]
he and sarah were together for about a month, and they broke up almost 4 months ago. he was pretty shook up after she dumped him, but from my viewpint their relationship didn't seem very serious, they basically just made out all the time.

Originally Posted by: why don't you just tell Josh your concerns? let him know that it all seems kind of messed up to you, and ask him why he didn't invite you; tell him that it kind of pissed you off, and point out that that, combined with the whole wallet thing and the extra amounts of time they spend together all add up to make you suspicious.[/QUOTE]
I've tried to talk to him in the past, he just gets pissed at me and tells me I'm too overprotective and paranoid. I've also talked to alicia about it, she's a little nicer about it, but she assures me that she would never do anything like that to me, and I believe her.

Originally Posted by: if the worst case scenario happens and it turns out she's been cheating on you/he was taking part of it, well, at least you found two a-holes' true colors.

yes I suppose, but, they are basically my only two friends, and if that happened, I'd be pretty much all alone, and I don't even know what I'd do.

[QUOTE=]and also, if he's your friend... why don't you trust him? is it just over this, or is this a part of his personality?

it's pretty much his personality, he's always lieing or exaggerating stuff to make himself look better or whatever, you can't really tell when he's lieing to your face or telling you the truth.

[QUOTE=]i know people say "bros before hoes" but that's when your short term g/f is trying to keep you from riding motorcycles with your buds.

kinda funny actually, cause alicia won't let me get a motorcycle, but that's ok cause I know she just doesn't want me to get hurt.


but overall, I think I'm ok now, every now and then I get into a jealous mood, which is the kind of mood I was in when I wrote this... after a couple hours, they actually did call me and invite me over, I don't know why they didn't earlier, but, still, better then not at all. but I may have figured out a little bit of a pattern, see, josh today was talking to me, and he told me that I never spend time with him or talk to him anymore (which really isn't true, I spent more then 24 hours straight with him last weekend... and I talk to him on the phone at least half hour per day. but that's not how often I used to spend time with him, so maybe, he sees that I'm spending more time with alicia then I am with him, so, he's trying to get back at me by spending more time with her, or something, like that, I dunno

Here's an interesting fact that I was somewhat surprised to learn. 90% of the time things are not what they seem. Is she still advertising she's your girlfriend? A picture in his wallet doesn't compare to what the both of you do when you're alone (with and/or without all that may imply). And dreams are such a load. So she dreamt about him, doesn't necessarily mean she's going to dump you. If everything I dreamt about was based off something that was going to happen, then... well, let's just say the world would be a lot more like the movie Hellraiser. She's assured you that she's not cheating so right now the best thing you can do is trust her. I give my comrade's girlfriend a lot of ****, but we still get along really well. She went as far as to call me on my birthday to say "happy birthday" and she's probably done things similar to that on a couple other occasions, but none of us really think anything about it because we all know she's dating him and I'm not. Granted, my situation isn't really as detailed as yours, but in essence it's at least similar. So, just lighten up. Never know, she might be telling him about how great she thinks you are. I know I've heard my pal's girlfriend tell me more than I cared to know about how great he is. And if I'm wrong, then... sorry I guess. But trusting her is your best bet right now.

Ok, disclaimer time. That entire thing came from a guy who's never had (and at this rate never will) have a girlfriend so he speaks completely without experience and only with observations on his side. Anything off, incorrect, or just plain stupid in the above paragraph cannot be held against him in any way because he's aware (and making this known) that he really doesn't know what he's talking about. That being said, good luck to you.

Originally Posted by: Cryptic ExcretionsHere's an interesting fact that I was somewhat surprised to learn. 90% of the time things are not what they seem. Is she still advertising she's your girlfriend? A picture in his wallet doesn't compare to what the both of you do when you're alone (with and/or without all that may imply). And dreams are such a load. So she dreamt about him, doesn't necessarily mean she's going to dump you. If everything I dreamt about was based off something that was going to happen, then... well, let's just say the world would be a lot more like the movie Hellraiser. She's assured you that she's not cheating so right now the best thing you can do is trust her. I give my comrade's girlfriend a lot of ****, but we still get along really well. She went as far as to call me on my birthday to say "happy birthday" and she's probably done things similar to that on a couple other occasions, but none of us really think anything about it because we all know she's dating him and I'm not. Granted, my situation isn't really as detailed as yours, but in essence it's at least similar. So, just lighten up. Never know, she might be telling him about how great she thinks you are. I know I've heard my pal's girlfriend tell me more than I cared to know about how great he is. And if I'm wrong, then... sorry I guess. But trusting her is your best bet right now.

Ok, disclaimer time. That entire thing came from a guy who's never had (and at this rate never will) have a girlfriend so he speaks completely without experience and only with observations on his side. Anything off, incorrect, or just plain stupid in the above paragraph cannot be held against him in any way because he's aware (and making this known) that he really doesn't know what he's talking about. That being said, good luck to you.

yes, I know, I wasn't putting emphasis on the dream, I've had a dream that I kissed one of her friends, doesn't mean that I want to, cause I don't. and while she may be telling him how great I am, I would not doubt that he's telling her how horrible I am... nice friend I've got, I know. and yeah, she still labels me as her boyfriend. so, maybe I am just paranoid

I don't usually weigh in on the personal questions, so I hope this is useful....

I think your reaction is normal. Whether there is something going on or not, it sure looks suspicious. I am not surprised you don't like this situation.

Go back to the beginning:

so, it all starts out, that my girlfriend (she wasn't my gf at the time) likes my best friend, but he doesn't find her attractive....

I think it is "new girlfriend time." This one is not treating you good enough. I know it hurts to look for a new one, but she just got here and already she is causing you problems. A new romance should be problem-free for at least 3 months (like a walkman, 90 day parts and labor). my two cents. :)

Originally Posted by: Jon BroderickI don't usually weigh in on the personal questions, so I hope this is useful....

I think your reaction is normal. Whether there is something going on or not, it sure looks suspicious. I am not surprised you don't like this situation.

Go back to the beginning:

so, it all starts out, that my girlfriend (she wasn't my gf at the time) likes my best friend, but he doesn't find her attractive....

I think it is "new girlfriend time." This one is not treating you good enough. I know it hurts to look for a new one, but she just got here and already she is causing you problems. A new romance should be problem-free for at least 3 months (like a walkman, 90 day parts and labor). my two cents. :)

And the man himself has spoken.

Regarding your friend and telling people you're horrible. Well... if he really is doing that then I've got news. He's not your friend. Should you take Jon's advice then maybe you ought to seek out a new friend or two while you're at it. But hanging around people that make you feel uncomfortable is bad news all the way, and not just for you. For everyone.

I really hate situations like this, because I've been on both ends of them...the jealous boyfriend, and the girlfriends best "buddy". As the boyfriend, you're naturally not going to like your girlfriend being all buddy buddy with another guy (especially someone she used to like), but I alway's say trust her untill she gives you a reason not to. I'm not in your shoes so I don't know exactly how the situation feels, and I'm sure you can explain it as well as you'd like, but going on the info you've provided, I would be a little concerned. I know you said you mentioned it, but you might need to sit down with your g/f to have a serious talk, and let her know exactly how the situation makes you uncomfortable. Depending on her reaction, you also might want to tell your "friend" to back off a bit, and be serious about that too.

The only way to get anything resolved is to get everything out in the open. Don't be a douche or anything and be like.. ya'll can't hang out together.. because that will more than likely ruin your chances with her. If they really are friends, then they have a right to do things together. But, if she really does want to be with you, she should be willing to compromise with you and not see him so much.

Good luck with everything, and I hope you all make the right decisions ;)

IMHO & $0.02

Consider that this advice is from a 26 yr old dude who's never had a gf, so he's bound to be an expert at these things.
I think there's something going on.
A workmate of mine had this female friend who used to dig him a lot. He didn't dig her. He's now living with his gf who has a baby by him, so for most practical african reasons, she's the wife. They're not legally married, but he calls her his wife.
That other girl, the one she wasn'r into, meets him. Goes on about how she was into him. And how maybe the baby-girl he has with his wife could have been with her. And she invites him to go, drum roll please....SWIMMING with him.
Hhmnn.
That mean anything?
You tell me.
Sometimes, people will feel the need to reassure you that they're not doing this or that, because in actual fact, they are doing it. Remember telling your mom, when you were a kid, that you hadn't eaten the cookies, even though she hadn't asked you whether or not you had eaten the cookies? There ya go. So when she tells you that she's not cheating on you....
If I was you, I'd sit her down and tell her how I feel about the whole thing. From how she reacts, I think I'd be able to glean what's really going on. From both what she says and doesn't say.

Originally Posted by: Jon BroderickI think it is "new girlfriend time." This one is not treating you good enough. I know it hurts to look for a new one, but she just got here and already she is causing you problems. A new romance should be problem-free for at least 3 months (like a walkman, 90 day parts and labor).[/QUOTE]
we've been going out for.. 5 months next wednesday. so the 90 day warrantee is out the window.

Originally Posted by: Cryptic ExcretionsRegarding your friend and telling people you're horrible. Well... if he really is doing that then I've got news. He's not your friend. Should you take Jon's advice then maybe you ought to seek out a new friend or two while you're at it. But hanging around people that make you feel uncomfortable is bad news all the way, and not just for you. For everyone.

yes, so, he's not the greatest friend in the world. I agree, but me being home-schooled doesn't give me much opportunity to meet other people my own age. but we have alot of similar interests, so, we just get along... but you know, I don't think he's gonna be around too much longer, based on the way he talks about driving, I'm pretty sure he'll die in a car accident two days after getting his license... (I was being sarcastic, mostly)

[QUOTE=PRSplaya]but I alway's say trust her untill she gives you a reason not to

this is some very good advice, and I will take it

now, as for talking to them, I have tried to talk to both of them about it, alicia is pretty much the sweet innocent type of girl who never does anything wrong, so, I can pretty much tell if she's lieing so, when I asked her if she was cheating on me, she looked me in the eyes, said no, and I believe her. I also asked if she'd be willing to at least try to be less flirty with josh, and though she didn't think that she was being flirty, she agreed. josh on the other hand, got mad at me, told me I was overreacting, being too overprotective, etc. etc. trying to tell me that they are just friends... and frankly, I'm ok with them being friends, but do they have to be best buddys? I'm ok with them hanging out on school campus, but, do they need to go back to her house when no one else is home? I haven't even been to her house when no one else is there... luckily, there is some new rule, that starting next year fall, students aren't allowed to go off campus for lunch, so that'll end that. so, I'm not sure, frankly, I completely trust her, and the issue isn't so much that I think she's cheating on me, so much as it is I think my friend may be jealous of our relationship, so, he may be trying to steal my girl... it wouldn't surprise me, cause he has told me storys of when he stole another girl from another guy... so, I dunno, I'm going to bed, it's almost 4 am

Hope you don't mind if I jump in here... I haven't read every single thing that everyone else has posted, but I read all your posts about the situation... Being the guy I am, I've been around plenty of these situations through high school. Alicia had feelings for Josh (i think it was, I can't even remember)... Girls are different than guys... they're complicated. She may truly like you, but she still prolly has feelings for this dude. She had a dream about kissing him... just think about what else they do in her dreams that she doesn't tell you... She probably is a sweet and innocent girl. But that kind of personality doesn't hold up well when they're faced with a situation when they, deep down inside, know they've done something wrong.... or had feelings that she know would upset you. I know that you may feel like your world will come crashing down on you if you guys break up... and that you have feelings for her. But trust me man... your boy isn't a great friend if he's gonna go behind your back with your girl... and then get all defensive about it. You're in high school... I assume you're 15-16 years old right? Well you have plenty of time to let this all play out. Play it cool for now. Observe the situation a little more... Talk to Alicia and tell her straight up how you feel about her going to this guys house... If she plays the "We're just friends" card... tell her that you and Josh are friends too...and there's no reason why you can't hang out with them. Personally... knowing what I know... I would tell her that she can hang out with him as much as she wants becuase I would be done with her. You're young man, it's not the end of the world. I thought I was gonna be with my high school sweet heart (whose name was also Alicia)... we dated for 2 and 1/2 years and broke up my freshman year in college. My girlfriend that I have now is even better looking and she doesn't have to wear 180 dollar jeans and all that stuff like Alicia (My Alicia, not yours haha) had to have. So just know that if worse comes to worse... one door closes.... and another one opens

Time for my 2 cents....

Between this Josh guy bragging about how he's taken girls off other guys, and her feelings for him, past or present (plus dreams, strange behaviour etc). I fear the writing is on the wall my friend... No disrespect to her, but in my experience people are alot better at hiding their feelings than we'd like to believe. Are you paranoid by nature? If not, chances are you're on to something. Whether anything has actually 'happened' or not, it's the intent that matters in my opinion. In engineering opportunities to be alone, it seems to me that the intent is there.

I haven't read all the above posts end to end either, so apologies if I've missed a vital piece of the puzzle, just saying that usually your senses won't be far wrong man.

Hope it works out dude...

just like PRSplaya I've also been at both sides of such situations so here's my 2 cents, you'll get rich this way ;)

it's a nasty situation, she's just acting 'on the edge' in my opinion, but she (and josh as well) has to respect your feelings, that you feel very uncomfortable with them being so often together in 'wrong' situations, that's what's most important in a relation, respect for eachothers feelings and talk about it, I think the way josh acted, getting mad at you, was getting you even more paranoid, the way they react when you explain it to them, says a lot

reading all the replies and your story, I think you shouldn't look at her for this situation, but at josh, I've witnessed such a situation where they all hang out together, don't do anything, but after a while she breaks up with my best friend because she's in love with the other guy, allthough I wasn't involved in the situation, I was on the edge of giving that guy a one-way ticket to the hospital. I know you said that josh didn't had any feelings for her, but you should reconsider this, because it's been a while and they hang out pretty often

to me it seems that you don't got enough reason to believe in innocence or the opposite, so I suggest you just keep it cool, and talk with them both about it, I understand it's very difficult to do it when they're together and I also wouldn't suggest it, also try to take her out more often and do more things together or ask her why she won't ask you sometimes

I got a relation for about 21months now, and when either of us feel bad about the other being around people that makes us feel uncomfortable we tell eachother and talk about, works perfect and we trust eachother completely

sorry about this being so long, I just can't seem to shut up :p

Ps one more thing, I only pointed out the bad things so I'll correct that now

look at what you got now, you're together for 5 months, she is still your girl, she shares things with you that no one else gets while you don't even go to the same school, I don't know how often you see eachother but I think that you're doing pretty good for your age :D

so.... what happened?

Originally Posted by: iamthe_eggmanso.... what happened?

well, I'm still together with that girl, and we're closer then ever. I no longer suspect any cheating going on. me and josh are still good friends. everything turned out fine, and it turns out that I was just paranoid. there was never anything going on. and pretty much everything in my life is just going awesome right now.... shoot I probably just jinxed myself... lol

Glad it turned out well for you. Girls aren't anymore complicated than guys we're just different. But you're different from us as well. That's to whomever said "girls are complicated."

Yeah and you really shouldn't tell someone who to be friends with or not. I would personally tell any guy who started to try to control I hung out with I'd tell him to blow it out his ass. But I'm not such a nice girl.