"the griffon"-feedback appreciated

wrote this a few days ago and recorded it promptly thereafter. CLICK HERE for a link to the song.

like i said, i would like to have at least some sort of feedback onto what you guys think of the song. the beginning takes a bit to get into the lyrics and whatnot, but its still only about 3 minutes long.

I'm not saying its a copy, but the beginning reminds me of Metallica Call of the Kultu.

Vocals a bit off key in spots, you should try and tidy that up.

Overall not too shabby. I think it needs some spit an polish.

Nice job

haha, about the metallica reference...i can positively say i've never heard the song, so i'll try to claim ignorance on that one. but yea, the riff was made on the fly, and its a pretty accessable riff, so given that metallica does everything cliche' there is to be done on the guitar, its probably quite similar.

yea, the backround vox for that one part are particularly off-key and rythm. i recorded it at night and didnt want to keep the neighbors up so i did it in one take and apparently decided it sounded good enough to keep. bad desicion, apparently. :]

Funny, before I even read this, I thought the intro sounded like Pantera's "The Sleep."

Very good though, as usual. I still like We Are the Living Dead more. And I like Shoot The Moon the best.

I would listen to all of them, on my own time (which I have). If thats worth anything.

its worth alot, mang'. yea, this one was a bit less erm...refined or thought-out. its embarassing to tell you how fast i record alot of these, because it would make it seem like i put no effort into them. theres just not much that can be done, mixing-wise, with an acoustic guitar and vocals. except....play and sing better? haha. thanks, guys.

I'm listening to your stuff right now as I type this.

I like the song you posted...it took few seconds to get into it, but then I got general direction you were going in and liked where you were taking things.

I'd like to hear it with a full band backing it up though..

Same thing with 'Shoot The Moon' and 'Alec'. They sound great as they are...
However, I can't help feeling like they're the kinda thing you'd submit to a band to work on in the studio. It's almost as if you're hearing the whole band backing you in your mind, but it's not actually recorded yet.

Seriously dude... you need to get into a band or get some backing musicians to finish these off for you. The songs are easy to get into...it takes a few seconds, but then you're hooked. However, in my own head I'm hearing drums, strings, bass, stereo guitars etc...

anyhoo...just my own opinion and all that...

well, that is what i was planning on doing when i got a compilation of songs together. i wanted to basically get the recording quality well enough so it was listenable (i hope i've done that so far, hah) and just start pimping my ish, so to speak. i wanted to start throwing the cd's out to some local musicians, just to see if they where interested in collaboration. i also wanted to use the recordings as an opportunity for a small label or a chill studio cat to take notice of me. i dont think i'm hot and whatnot, but at least by showing them what i have right now, it gives them an idea on what they can do for ME and make the music more universal, more listenable, and easier for me (and them) to make money. so basically, i'm looking for some small-time investment, someone willing to get me into a studio with some guys...or maybe like you said Shmange...just get some local talent to hear me out and get interested.

p.s: thanks for the critique, i redid the background vocals and made em' sound a little more saucy. im gonna put the new version up in place of the old one on my music page.

oh yea, and about the band thing...i made stuff on my own to avoid having to deal with bands, because i'm in 3 of them at the moment...two of them relatively active. but yea, as i made more of these on my computer, i started realizing that i wasnt really going for the jack johnson thing like i thought i might be, with the whole acoustic guitar and whatnot. haha. its okay though, because i can sit on these ideas for a long time...i wouldnt want to half-ass it if i did something serious with these songs.

Musically your guitar lines are well played, but I would try to expand my sound a little bit by adding some secondary chords that enhance the melody of the main chordal motif. I think the biggest issue is your singing. They need more work or spend more time practicing it. All the basic elements are there, just more practice and you'll have a much more rounded product that won't be denied. Good job, and keep practicing.

J

most definitely. the voice is slowly getting better, and i'm majoring in music, so i obviously have to take eartraining and stuff like that. its no substitute for singing lessons, but ive come a long way in a year. thanks, man.

nice stuff...good playing.