Whats the longest relationship that you guys have been in?

Perhaps this is a rather sensitive subject for some, being that they ould rather not go into the past and consider the possibilities of what could have, should have, and would have happened. But still, I think its safe to say that we ask ourselves thois question anyway...

You know, its safe to say that we expect a lot from our partner in just about any relationship, and sometimes their love and devotion to us isn't enough to keep us satisfied. In some of the most important relationships in our lives, we are forced to face reality, as to whether or not we are just hanging on for the sole purpose of having someone to fall back on, or if we truly wouldnt wan't to change anything.

Well, change is inevitable, and although we think that everything will always be the same. sooner or later we have to wake up and smell the flowers. So is it really our fault for not noticing the signs of change? Perhaps something like this is always expected, or at least thought about from both sides. And perhaps its not. A friend of mine, hes 24, and hes been living with this girl for over three years now, and from what I underatand things have been going great. But due to the fact that she has been creating excuses for not pushing the relationship to the next level (marriage) he gave her an choice. Either they stay together and get married, or call it quits. Due to the fact that shes against marriage, due to her last failed experience, they have decided to go their seperate ways. Overall, from an outsiders point of view, do you feel that hes selfish in forcing her into something shes not ready for? Being that he has sacrificed his relationship for all of the wrong reasons.

Now personally, I don't think that marriage is always inevitable, sometimes what isn't broken ashouldn't necessarily be fixed. But still, I can understand where hes coming from, in how hes planning for the future, but hen again being that she chose not to even think about this decision, perhaps dshe was never all that into the relationhip to bgin with. I guess i'm just wondering whether or not you would re-act this way if the tables were turned?

And overall, whats the longest relationship that you've ever been in?


-Joseph

What? Isn't this a guitar site?

Almost seven years w/ my axe. Also, my Ibanez and I have never talked about marriage. And she knows that I like to play other guitars besides her and she never gets jealous. :)

BTW - I'm w/ Christoph on this one. It seems that there has been an overwhelming number of relationship topics lately.

Well, sorry guys if this question is rather tedious, I just thought that since music relates to different emotions, (and of course being that some of our best material is inspired by that special someone), I thought perhaps some interesting conversation could have been made. I mean sometmes we're on a roll with our significant other, where we end up writing six to seven songs a day, but when its all over theres usually that insidious gap that we're all oh too familiar with..So, its safe to say that failed relastionships play a big roll in ending our creative process, and for those of you who can use these mishaps to your advantage, hey I commend your efforts...

Open Discussion:
Introduce yourself, meet people, talk about whatever you want. :rolleyes:

-Joseph

Joseph, man... you think too much. And I also had trouble identifying the connection between a guitar forum and a question about our past relationships.

But I can't resist a good romance conversation so here's my opinion...

I'm kind of thinking that deep down, your friend knew that things were drying up between them. The spark was dying, so he wanted to create a new one by doing something exciting such as getting married. I say this because I don't think that if he truly loved someone enough to marry them, that he would throw that away just because the other person wasn't ready. Does that make any sense? I know my girlfriend's (it's our three month anniversary today) parents never got married, but are together and have no intention of ever leaving each other.

If she was never really into the relationship to begin with I don't think she would hang around for 3 years... perhaps she simply wasn't ready. And I dont' think your friend was into the relationship anymore.

it's as simple as this...people change and evolve and unless the person you are with evolves WITH you, things are simply not gonna work out. This is not just in boyfriend/girlfriend realationship but in every relationship.
For example, when you sign a contract with a record company,
both parties (you and them) make an agreement and establish the rules on paper. At the time being things seam fair to you because of the reality at that particular time in your life. A couple of shows and recordings later, your reality has changed, the original rules can no longer apply and be considered "fair" to you, and you are simply not willing to
be as flexible or to take all the sh*t you took in the begining. In other words all matters have to be revaluated...and new agreements need to be made.
That's exactly how it works in frienship/relationships of any type. In order for them to be succesful, there must be flexibility and both paties must evolve WITH eachother.

-Siren


ps; marriage is an absurd.

Originally posted by James
I don't think that if he truly loved someone enough to marry them, that he would throw that away just because the other person wasn't ready. Does that make any sense?

Personally, I think he went a little far in giving her an alternative, I don't think that marriage is always the answer to everyones problems, or that its promises longevity. But then sgain, its possible that he was looking for a way to end things, knowing that she would re-act in this fashion. I was in a similiar situaion a few years ago, but I never forced my girlfriend to make a decision, i just asked her flat out whether or not she was willing to enhance the growth of our relationship. But once she knew that I felt strongly about higher committment, she got a little bit scared, where she needed some breathing room. Things just arent the same between us, and I thought I knew how she felt all these years. And of course I think about if I kept my mouth shut whether or not things would have worked out, but I never pressured her into marriage, it was an honest question, and an honest expression of my feelings, Perhaps her feelings werent as string after all..

But take it from me what seems like the most perfect connection, usually isn't. A lot of the times we think that things couldn't possibly get better, where we set our expectations so high where we refuse to ackowledge the rough spots, where everything tends to go down hill. For a good relationship to last, I think its important to focus on both the good and not so good aspects, because from pushing everything under the rug it just creates more problems for us down the lines, where we end up wasting our time.

As for my friends situation, I'm not quite sure if he did the right think in forcing his girl to make this decision, but I guess he'll know whether or not it was tright a few years down the line. Personally I think they had a great thing going, but still I do understand where hes coming from.

-Joseph

Originally posted by James
Joseph, man... you think too much.

No such thing.


As per this here topic:
3.5 years off and on... off is starting to look like a good idea again. My big worry is that if I can't he happy with my current g/f, can I be happy with anybody? This is probably a mental issue I have, but anyway... Yeah, I'm a head case.

Life is about living! If you spend too much time trying to make sense of it, you risk having it all pass you by.

Get your head out of your arse... its a lot easier to smell the roses. :rolleyes:

One of our members recently asked for, and received, a lot of advice about his personal relationship. It was shaping up to be a choice between his woman or his music. That's a hard place to be. :( We didn't hear anything from him for a while, and that seemed to indicate the choice he had made... but I see he's recently accquired a nice new guitar! :D

Its all people. 'Significant Others' just happen to be more signifcant, is all.