About your extreme clinical depression- I have a less serious form of that, and I've found that it can bring extremely awesome highs, and really bad lows (my lows aren't as bad as they used to be, my highs are getting good though). It hasn't been prescribed or anything, but its one of those things you can feel. What I've found is that as I get better, my lows get a bit less severe, and eventually I'm hoping for everything to be one big High. During the "high time", i can play everything and anything i want, during 'low time', its hard to play up to par.
At my school, I play in a band with all Seniors (i'm a freshman). I play lead guitar, and i'm very well known at my school for my abilities. Everyone has huge confidence in me, except the most imoprtant person. Me. I never feel as if i'm good enough, although I have developed faster than anyone that I know has. I've been offered to be a session player at my guitar instructor's Recording Studio, i turned him down and said "Maybe in a year".
You know what, Jesse, I think I understand the situation and I think we are in close boats- Your depression a little more serious than mine, but nonetheless we both have the same blessing/curse. I don't have Insomnia, though.
Tell me, when you are in public, do you always feel uncomfortable? Like you'd rather be playing your guitar than 'hanging out' at some movie theater or something with friends? Man, i do, and its really hard for me to communicate with people. I mean, i don't even have an interest of chasing girls, because I know how pointless it is after two hours of wasted time and no action. I gave up two years ago.
The anti-social thing that i have, i developed it a few years back. I've always felt different, i don't know.
I always thought this would be a bigger problem, but word of mouth travels very fast, and if a good drummer wants to jam with me, he'll know, without me even confronting him.
Sorry for the rant, this is the first time i've ever told anybody about this, i thought it was just some obsessive disease (and i know it is, its other things too). Now, whether or not it's something different, it just seems to me that its similar to what i have.
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PS. nevermind the composing 3 hours thing, i was filling out Job applications (saving up for another Gibson Les Paul), and was really irritated about the fact that i have to work to get money.
Tomorrow I'm going to set my stopwatch, I want to see if my 8 hour schedule is accurate.
[Edited by Incidents Happen on 06-29-2003 at 10:16 PM]
