very true, all of you. well, its just really weird for me. as many of you know it sucks to have to step over that barrier of the cool, understanding friend because it works so easilly. i dunno. i dont consider myself to have any real insecurity issues, but the thought of having to expose so much weakness to her is hard. the one thing i've realized about myself since going through this is that i have an issue with being seen as even remotely "uncool" to certain people. like, she goes out so my shows and has a good time, and has hung out with my friends, and done whatever else to show that im not a social recluse, but for some reason i always feel like i have to prove something to her. i know her really well obviously, but im still not in her social life like that. i mean, who knows...she could see me as one of like, 5 special guys, and for some reason that makes me feel ultimately more duped becsuae she's my one special girl. you know what i mean? i think it just has to do with like, how i grew up. i was sooo lame for a long time, and it was like, when i picked up the guitar and got into music, my quality of life just shot up immensely. i feel like i have so much culture around me, with skating and my music, and i didnt need the clique bullsh*t in high school. its the thought of having to be brought back down to that level of uncomfortability that i fear alot. i dont think i'll ever be able to escape from that. i had alot of friends through my later school years and i would still say im a pretty popular guy, but when im stripped of my musical prowess i feel much more vulnerable, because thats what people see me as. so maybe just the fact that she makes me question my future as a guitar instructor and a musician makes me in turn doubt everything about my self-worth. i dunno. i feel alot better than i did last night after getting that off my chest, though.