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Cryptic Excretions
Attorney at Law
Joined: 01/31/04
Posts: 3,055
Cryptic Excretions
Attorney at Law
Joined: 01/31/04
Posts: 3,055
07/05/2006 3:30 am
Ok, so I've popped on, like, once in the last month or so and cited vague reasons for my absence. I've had plenty of things going on lately which have been all hogging my time including moving, business trip, a few music projects, and a few other things that shall remain under the "personal" umbrella. Since I was moving and working, the music project, sadly, was delayed and I'm still not done with it. As for business, I had to a trip to Ecuador coming up (which I got back from this last Sunday and am currently on a week long vacation) and just a month before that I found an opportunity to move into a better apartment, so I had to have everything timed just right and get out of the last place just before I went off to Ecuador. I didn't quite pull it off, but my mom helped me finish off the rest while I was gone.

Now, onto the plane ride. To Houston it was about 2 hours at most. Nothing big there. The ride to Ecuador was 7 hours, though. So I took my seat in coach next to a window and to my right was an empty seat and then a girl in the next seat over. Soon after some guy came over and started talking to her. He then looked over to me and said "Hi, if no one comes here would you like to switch seats? I've got a first class seat." Now, I'm not one to quickly do the math for laws of probability, but I'm sure it's not too often that people just hand out first class seats, so naturally I took him up on his offer and gloated at my co-workers as I walked up to first class. What an experience. The meal was actually good. I had a ceaser salad and lobster for the apetizer, steak and chicken with vegetables for the main course, and ice cream for dessert. My office mates had turkey sandwhiches. For the rest of the ride I just read a book and finished it when we arrived at Ecuador.

So upon arrival I saw the city at night from the sky. What a sight that is. The city we'd gone to was Quito, the capitol of Ecuador. It's a big ass city built in the mountains of Ecuador (just for those who didn't know) and to see it at night from the sky is quite a sight. However, it looks better from the sky than it does from in the city. To say the least it could use a good fixing up, but the fact that the place is as third world as it is doesn't help. And respectively, I didn't really have any time to look around the place and see if there were better looking areas, so my knowledge is based around taxi rides... for the most part (more on that later). Speaking of taxis. Everyone in Quito has two modes of driving. Stupidly/carelessly fast and stopped. The only way to get anywhere is to floor it and cut as many people off as you can. Peole that ride motor bikes fly in and out of traffic and tend to ride on the lines in the middle of the road rather than in any form of order or organization. The multitude of aggressive drivers there would put the aggressive drivers here to shame. I'd wake up every morning hearing cars gunning it then immediately slamming on the brakes. No way could I drive there. I drive like an old person.

The hotel... The Hilton Colon (pronounced like cologne) was actually pretty nice. The showers made kind of an odd rumbling sound from time to time, but the food was great... at first. It got old relatively quick and my appetite always goes to hell on business trips. And pretty much from this point on it was almost all work. I'd ended up working a bunch of 15 hour days. Good overtime. I came out with 110+ hours at least. I forget just what I had.

Now here's where the tale takes an interesting turn (and this story becomes more so worth reading, insert thank you to those that have beared with me thus far). There was a security guard that was following me around and it started giving me the creeps because he always had this smile going on. So I asked a co-worker that could speak Spanish to see if she could find out what was going on. Some of the others were poking fun at me saying he thought I looked suspicious for my long hair. Turns out he just thought I was cool or something and wanted to shoot the **** but language difference didn't permit. However, while they were poking at my hair, a hired translator temp (James) had commented that he'd recently cut his hair and that it was just a bit longer than mine. So we started talking about metal. He'd then said mentioned he was doing a radio show for metal later on after work and that I was welcome to come if I wanted. I spoke with my boss about what all needed to be done, took care of my things and went with him.

We got to the radio station and got settled in and started playing metal. There were some others there, as to be expected, who were keeping company and could speak little English. They'd eventually begun drinking. Now, I know I've overdone stating my views on booze here, but I've never felt comfortable being alone with a bunch of people drinking. I don't drink. I hate the stuff and I hate being around drunk people. Always have, always will. They took out a bottle and a half of vodka for Christ's sake. So it came time to go back to the hotel and I waited by the street as my dumb ass ride tried to remember how to lock a door. As I stood there I watched a single taxi cab drive by me in the currently empty street. It was about 1:00 am and I had to be up and getting ready for work in about 4 hours. And I watched that taxi and thought "if you were smart you'd stop that cab right now and get in it and go to the hotel. Why aren't you doing that you dumb ass?" So I watched my chance for guaranteed safety drive by and continued to get in the car with a drunk driver knowing that it defied my instincts and everything that I knew was reasonable. An inexcusible decision. No matter how the outcome, good or bad. Just plain stupid, especially since I stood there telling myself it wasn't right and didn't act.

So I sat in the passenger side of his **** mobile with to Spanish speaking drunks behind me and James spoke in a vaguely drunk tone "let's get you back to the hotel... very fast..." It was then that I began regretting not taking the cab even more. We rode around and I had no idea where we were. I was ready to get out and just find a cab at that point, but I soon after (soon after running a red light and almost bumping the people in the next lane a few times) saw the hotel. We were a left hand turn away from the entrance and all that stood in the way was a red light. James then decided to pull a complete U-turn to which the conversation went:

"Just let me out here, I can walk to the hotel"
"No dude, I'm gonna get you to the hotel"
"The hotel's that way"
"No it's not dude, I know where we're going"

So at this point I figured conversation was pointless and did what any sensible dumbass that should've just taken the cab to begin with would do. I jumped out of the car that was moving at an approximate of 30 mph. I stepped out on my feet, which flew out from under me, fell on my hand and knee, then to my elbow, rolled onto my back, my legs flew over my head and hit the ground and I found myself in a crouched and ready position. Graceful. I didn't even mean to do it that well. So I went running back to the hotel which was just about 3 blocks down, ran inside, waved at a few employees, went upstairs, told my room mate what happened, showered, and laid in bed awake for about 3 hours. All with an adreneline rush that I'd never experienced before. I couldn't sleep, it hurt to breath, my legs hurt from walking a 15 hour work day earlier, and I lost maybe an eye dropper full of blood from my elbow. The only real damage I got was a few minor skins. Of course the next morning I could barely walk without getting dizzy. I'd ended up telling my boss and she wasn't impressed to say the least. She was considering getting his services as a translator in the future, but she didn't appreciate her employee being in such a situation and all the coworkers that found out kept telling me I didn't deserve that. I must say I disagree. I knew what I was doing. I wasn't drunk, they were. I knew it and I went anyway. I got off easy. No broken bones. Little blood loss. I was still able to work the next day as well. I got off real easy. Considering all the things that could've happened. My head never hit the ground. I'm fine. I figure I'll be 100% in health by Thursday, if not by tomorrow. I did a dumb ass move and I learned a lesson I, at one point, didn't think I needed to learn. Cause and effect.

And that's pretty much my story. We flew back to Ohio the next day and almost missed a plane, but short of that nothing much else. And here I sit, on the floor of my new apartment, finishing this up. Sorry for being so long and thaks for reading it, assuming you've made it this far.

Current draft - 8,741 characters.
First draft - 10,433 characters.
The Gods Made Heavy Metal, And They Saw That It Was Good
They Said To Play It Louder Than Hell, We Promised That We Would

Hulk Smash!!

Whatever you do, don't eat limes. A friend of mine ate a lime once and BAM!! Two years later. Herpes.
# 1
jiujitsu_jesus
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Joined: 12/19/05
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jiujitsu_jesus
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Posts: 2,171
07/05/2006 6:39 am
Wow, what an epic! I must say that the part where you jumped out of the car is hilarious when I picture it, but it must've been pretty terrifying at the time.

Hope you feel better soon.
"It's all folk music... I ain't never heard no horse sing!"
- Attributed variously to Leadbelly and Louis Armstrong

If at first you don't succeed, you are obviously not Chuck Norris.

l337iZmz r@wk o.K!!!??>
# 2
CW14
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CW14
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07/05/2006 8:09 am
Haha... interesting chain of events. Good you're okay though
BOL
# 3
jeffhx
Disco Bandit
Joined: 12/20/05
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jeffhx
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07/05/2006 8:21 am
i missed u dude
[FONT=Impact]grooviest tunes ever [/FONT]
# 4
Tonja_Renee
Official PRSplaya Groupie
Joined: 12/04/05
Posts: 661
Tonja_Renee
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Posts: 661
07/05/2006 10:27 am
Come on Cryptic...

you left out the funniest part of that story!! Tell them about the cd's...

Great to have you back posting btw...
Great works are performed, not by strength, but by perseverance.
# 5
PRSplaya
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PRSplaya
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07/05/2006 1:39 pm
Welcome back Cryptic! Glad you made it back and had a relatively safe time lol!
[FONT=Palatino Linotype]Tonja Renee's personal instructor[/FONT]

>HERE'S WHERE I AM NOW<
# 6
Cryptic Excretions
Attorney at Law
Joined: 01/31/04
Posts: 3,055
Cryptic Excretions
Attorney at Law
Joined: 01/31/04
Posts: 3,055
07/05/2006 3:01 pm
Originally Posted by: Tonja_ReneeCome on Cryptic...

you left out the funniest part of that story!! Tell them about the cd's...

Great to have you back posting btw...

I had to be resourceful on space. The initial draft blew past the character limit. But as she said, when I jumped out of the car I had a handful of CDs. I'd never dropped one and didn't even know I was holding them until I got back to the hotel.

As for my health, I'm feeling top notch. This all happened on a Thursday night and it's Wednesday morning right now. Less than a week and I'm ready to jump out of another car.
The Gods Made Heavy Metal, And They Saw That It Was Good
They Said To Play It Louder Than Hell, We Promised That We Would

Hulk Smash!!

Whatever you do, don't eat limes. A friend of mine ate a lime once and BAM!! Two years later. Herpes.
# 7
elklandercc
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elklandercc
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07/05/2006 5:13 pm
Welcome back Cryptic. Glad those cd's made it through ok :rolleyes:
"During this line, the kid acted like he was pushing buttons on a calculator in the air. The kid played ******* air-calculator!"

Myspace
# 8
earthman buck
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earthman buck
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07/05/2006 6:48 pm
Ah, a metalhead jumping out of a car. GT is once again complete.

Welcome back, Cryptic.
# 9
Cryptic Excretions
Attorney at Law
Joined: 01/31/04
Posts: 3,055
Cryptic Excretions
Attorney at Law
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Posts: 3,055
07/05/2006 9:57 pm
Respectively, I'm not quite fully back yet, I don't think. It seems that in the turn of a few events I've found myself with a lack of things to say (for lack of better say) so I don't really know that I'm going to be a forum whore like I once was. Not any time soon anyway. It just depends on the results, so don't be surprised if I still don't show up for a while more.
The Gods Made Heavy Metal, And They Saw That It Was Good
They Said To Play It Louder Than Hell, We Promised That We Would

Hulk Smash!!

Whatever you do, don't eat limes. A friend of mine ate a lime once and BAM!! Two years later. Herpes.
# 10
PRSplaya
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PRSplaya
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07/05/2006 10:14 pm
Originally Posted by: earthman buckAh, a metalhead jumping out of a car.

That's just so....




































Wait for it..........





































METAL!!!!!!!! \m/><\m/
[FONT=Palatino Linotype]Tonja Renee's personal instructor[/FONT]

>HERE'S WHERE I AM NOW<
# 11
earthman buck
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earthman buck
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07/06/2006 12:59 am
Originally Posted by: Cryptic ExcretionsRespectively, I'm not quite fully back yet, I don't think. It seems that in the turn of a few events I've found myself with a lack of things to say (for lack of better say) so I don't really know that I'm going to be a forum whore like I once was. Not any time soon anyway. It just depends on the results, so don't be surprised if I still don't show up for a while more.

Well, at least we know you're not dead.
# 12
ericthecableguy
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ericthecableguy
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07/06/2006 2:10 am
Yowzerz. What a tale. Good to hear from you bud. I'll tell you jumping out was definately worth it compared to the s*** that could have gone down...
For life is quite absurd and death's the final word, You must always face the curtain with a bow
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.

METOOB
# 13
iiholly
hmm
Joined: 07/29/02
Posts: 2,368
iiholly
hmm
Joined: 07/29/02
Posts: 2,368
07/06/2006 2:27 am
Kudos for good story telling. I hate how people are friendly at airports or on airplanes... it bothers me. They try to start random conversations, and i'm like... who the funk are you? Anyways, glad you didn't die jumping out of a car.

# 14
elklandercc
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elklandercc
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07/06/2006 3:13 am
Originally Posted by: PRSplayaThat's just so....




































Wait for it..........





































METAL!!!!!!!! \m/><\m/

I'd love to rep you right now but you know the drill.
"During this line, the kid acted like he was pushing buttons on a calculator in the air. The kid played ******* air-calculator!"

Myspace
# 15
magicninja
Guitar Tricks Moderator
Joined: 03/13/02
Posts: 3,826
magicninja
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07/06/2006 5:14 am
I dove out of a car once...or so I'm told. :confused: I'm glad you made it back man. I demand more Cryptic stories. At least a regular update if you won't be on very much.
Magicninja
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"If it feels right, play it. If it feels wrong, play it faster” - Magicninja
www.GuitarTricks.com - Home of Online Guitar Lessons
# 16

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