Please don't let this be the start of a religious debate or argument. I will delete this thread, or the particular post with a quickness if it does! I just heard this joke and thought it was funny. Feel free to post your religious jokes, or fun stories (as long as they're in good taste). Everybody's been so negative and fussy over religion lately, that I thought it might be a good idea to start a positive religious thread. NOTHING NEGATIVE TOWARDS ANY RELIGION ALLOWED!!!!!!(unless it's part of a decent joke that is not to derogatory towards the religion)
[U]The joke:[/U]
A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At
one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer
came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a
card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in
the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that
his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message,
"Genesis 3:10." Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation,
he broke up in gales of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."
Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was
afraid for I was naked."
Remember, this is one of the few forums that allows the discussion of religion. It is not your right, but a privialage. As long as we treat it like that, and follow the rules, we will continue to be allowed to discuss such topics. We should all respect each others personal beliefes, whether we like them or not. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but that doesn't mean you have to voice it.
Ok, sorry for the preaching :o Let's all enjoy ourselfs ;)
See, religion can be fun
# 1
haha, That is pretty good. I think Genesis 3:10 is my new favorite Bible verse!! But yeah, in light of this post I would just like to say to those that will take offense to this... if you can't laugh at yourself... you have a long and boring life to lead... haha. Can't wait to read more.
# 2
Political and Religious....
George W. Bush and Dick Cheney were walking through an airport last week, when he saw an old man with white hair, a long white beard, wearing a long white robe and holding a staff. He walked up to the man, who was staring at the ceiling, and "Excuse me sir, aren't you Moses?"
The man stood perfectly still and continued to stare at the ceiling, saying nothing. Again, George W. asked, a little louder this time, "Excuse me sir, aren't you Moses?" Again, the old man stared at the ceiling motionless without saying a word. George W. tried a third time, louder yet. "Excuse me sir, aren't you Moses?" Again, no movement or words from the old man. He continued to stare at the ceiling.
Bush Walks back over to Cheney and says,"Either this man is deaf or extremely rude. I have asked him three times if he was Moses, and he has not answered me yet." So Cheney walks over to the man and asks, "Excuse me sir, aren't you Moses?" The man replies,"Yes I am." So Cheney asks," Well when my friend came over and asked you didn't reply." Moses replies," Well, the last time I talked to a Bush, I spent 40 years wondering in the desert."
George W. Bush and Dick Cheney were walking through an airport last week, when he saw an old man with white hair, a long white beard, wearing a long white robe and holding a staff. He walked up to the man, who was staring at the ceiling, and "Excuse me sir, aren't you Moses?"
The man stood perfectly still and continued to stare at the ceiling, saying nothing. Again, George W. asked, a little louder this time, "Excuse me sir, aren't you Moses?" Again, the old man stared at the ceiling motionless without saying a word. George W. tried a third time, louder yet. "Excuse me sir, aren't you Moses?" Again, no movement or words from the old man. He continued to stare at the ceiling.
Bush Walks back over to Cheney and says,"Either this man is deaf or extremely rude. I have asked him three times if he was Moses, and he has not answered me yet." So Cheney walks over to the man and asks, "Excuse me sir, aren't you Moses?" The man replies,"Yes I am." So Cheney asks," Well when my friend came over and asked you didn't reply." Moses replies," Well, the last time I talked to a Bush, I spent 40 years wondering in the desert."
"During this line, the kid acted like he was pushing buttons on a calculator in the air. The kid played ******* air-calculator!"
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# 3
haha, good one
Later in the evening
As you lie awake in bed
With the echoes from the amplifiers
Ringing in your head
You smoke the day's last cigarette
Rememb'rin' what she said
As you lie awake in bed
With the echoes from the amplifiers
Ringing in your head
You smoke the day's last cigarette
Rememb'rin' what she said
Originally Posted by: Cryptic ExcretionsI'm a super hero. It's what I do.
# 4
# 5
wherever you find four catholic priests gathered you can always find a fifth...... ;)
"Dammit Jim!! I'm a guitarist not a roadie...so haul my gear"
# 6
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.
Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, of Noo Yawk City."
St. Peter consults his list.
He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn.
He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Calvary for the last forty-three years."
St Peter consults his list.
He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi driver, and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"
"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."
Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, of Noo Yawk City."
St. Peter consults his list.
He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn.
He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Calvary for the last forty-three years."
St Peter consults his list.
He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi driver, and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"
"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."
# 7
Originally Posted by: PRSplayaA minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.
Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, of Noo Yawk City."
St. Peter consults his list.
He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn.
He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Calvary for the last forty-three years."
St Peter consults his list.
He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi driver, and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"
"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."
good one........ :)
"Dammit Jim!! I'm a guitarist not a roadie...so haul my gear"
# 8
Four Catholic ladies were having coffee.
The first Catholic woman tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he
walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father.'"
The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks
into a room, people call him, 'Your Grace.'"
The third Catholic mother says, "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks
into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence.'"
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee and replies, "My son is a
gorgeous, 6' 4", hard-bodied dancer. When he walks into a room, people
say, 'Oh my God!'"
The first Catholic woman tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he
walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father.'"
The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks
into a room, people call him, 'Your Grace.'"
The third Catholic mother says, "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks
into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence.'"
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee and replies, "My son is a
gorgeous, 6' 4", hard-bodied dancer. When he walks into a room, people
say, 'Oh my God!'"
# 9
If this is offensive, just remove it, but its funny...well kind of.
A young pastor was extremely nervous about his first sermon. He decided a little kiss of vodka before every sermon might help him loosen up.
So as he was particularily nervous for this sermon he found himself increasing the portion of his loosening up drink.
Monday morning, when he walked into his office, he found a note on his desk which read:
Pastor Steve,
You delivered a great sermon yesterday, but I have a couple questions.
Did Jimmy Carter really free the jews, and does the bible really say David beat the hell out of goliath?
A young pastor was extremely nervous about his first sermon. He decided a little kiss of vodka before every sermon might help him loosen up.
So as he was particularily nervous for this sermon he found himself increasing the portion of his loosening up drink.
Monday morning, when he walked into his office, he found a note on his desk which read:
Pastor Steve,
You delivered a great sermon yesterday, but I have a couple questions.
Did Jimmy Carter really free the jews, and does the bible really say David beat the hell out of goliath?
For life is quite absurd and death's the final word, You must always face the curtain with a bow
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.
METOOB
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.
METOOB
# 10
Around here, there's been such a shortage of priests lately that altar boys have had to start groping themselves.
# 11
that is just wrong on so many levels, but funny as hell :D LMAO!
# 12
Heres one I heard back when I was 10 or so...
There was a preist and 3 men who wanted to become priests. The priest said to the men. To fully become a priest you must act out 1 sin in the church so you can be cleasned and so fourth. So the 3 men go out and come back within an hour. The 1st man says, "I drank out of the holy water." So the priest admits him. The 2nd man says," I too, drank from the holy water." So the priest admits him. The 3rd man comes up and says," Father, I pee-ed in the holy water."
There was a preist and 3 men who wanted to become priests. The priest said to the men. To fully become a priest you must act out 1 sin in the church so you can be cleasned and so fourth. So the 3 men go out and come back within an hour. The 1st man says, "I drank out of the holy water." So the priest admits him. The 2nd man says," I too, drank from the holy water." So the priest admits him. The 3rd man comes up and says," Father, I pee-ed in the holy water."
"During this line, the kid acted like he was pushing buttons on a calculator in the air. The kid played ******* air-calculator!"
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# 13
