a start...

i've had a melody for a piece i'm writing in my head for about a week but haven't been able to put words to it... just whipped this up in the melody and rhythm.... I'll go home and see if it works out.


She steals Gravity from the Earth
I can't help but fall right into her...

From a distance to near miss
Targets too small I cannot hit
From an instance to so long
Lights are off, I left them on.
It's heavy when she wants it all
It's gravity, it's not my fault.

Lending my shape to your color
With one hand in the other
She steals my gravity away
It's heavier than it's weight.
Measure it in terms of strength
It's always longer than the length.
When it's hanging over me
I feel it everytime,
Her gravity

Very cool approach dude. I like it. Nothing I would necessarily critique.

Originally Posted by: aschlemanShe steals Gravity from the Earth
I can't help but fall right into her...[/QUOTE]
I think the second line is good, but the first one isn't. I understand that it's sort of necessary in order for the second one to make sense, but I think it sounds too nerdy or something. You might want to reword that.

[QUOTE=aschleman]From a distance to near miss
Targets too small I cannot hit
From an instance to so long
Lights are off, I left them on.
It's heavy when she wants it all
It's gravity, it's not my fault.

I just plain like this. Especially the last two lines.