Sappy love song... blah...


aschleman
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Joined: 04/26/05
Posts: 2,051
aschleman
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Joined: 04/26/05
Posts: 2,051
07/26/2006 5:08 pm
My first acoustic... poppy... John Mayer/Jack Johnson... happy sounding... love song... Put the music to it last night...


ain't it funny how the sillohuette of you and me
takes the shape of all these other things...
i've never felt it in my mind to walk away
from anything brighter than a shade of grey...
but in my mind it fits like a puzzle
pieces falling all over each other
and i know it fits right there
between your circle and my square
gives what we need to walk on
gives my life it's proper cause

well in my mind...
things fill right up to the top and roll over.
they fall out my mouth... blow my cover.
you're in there, walkin around like you own the place
of all these things, the one i wouldn't replace
cuz in my mind i've thought this over.
my square fits right in your cirlce...

ain't it funny...
two things don't fit till they fall in love
tell me that it'f funny...
circles round corners don't like my sharp ones
but my square corners, they don't mind
as long as their's love every little thing is gonna be fine.
# 1
mdaddict
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Joined: 06/27/06
Posts: 108
mdaddict
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Joined: 06/27/06
Posts: 108
07/26/2006 5:18 pm
:D i like it adam its different but cool
well in my mind...
things fill right up to the top and roll over.
they fall out my mouth... blow my cover.
i like that line alot for some reason :confused: but the whole song is good :rolleyes:
No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.
# 2
blueradish
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Joined: 07/26/05
Posts: 23
blueradish
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Joined: 07/26/05
Posts: 23
07/26/2006 6:22 pm
Originally Posted by: aschlemanMy first acoustic... poppy... John Mayer/Jack Johnson... happy sounding... love song... Put the music to it last night...


ain't it funny how the sillohuette of you and me
takes the shape of all these other things...
i've never felt it in my mind to walk away
from anything brighter than a shade of grey...
but in my mind it fits like a puzzle
pieces falling all over each other
and i know it fits right there
between your circle and my square
gives what we need to walk on
gives my life it's proper cause

well in my mind...
things fill right up to the top and roll over.
they fall out my mouth... blow my cover.
you're in there, walkin around like you own the place
of all these things, the one i wouldn't replace
cuz in my mind i've thought this over.
my square fits right in your cirlce...

ain't it funny...
two things don't fit till they fall in love
tell me that it'f funny...
circles round corners don't like my sharp ones
but my square corners, they don't mind
as long as their's love every little thing is gonna be fine.


I never thought I could love again. You've changed that!!

Nice job.
# 3
iiholly
hmm
Joined: 07/29/02
Posts: 2,368
iiholly
hmm
Joined: 07/29/02
Posts: 2,368
07/26/2006 11:31 pm
It reminds be of Apollo 13, the part with circles and squares.

But good the lyrics seem flowy like Jack Johnson's. Its cute.

# 4
aschleman
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Joined: 04/26/05
Posts: 2,051
aschleman
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Joined: 04/26/05
Posts: 2,051
07/27/2006 11:12 am
Thanks for all the comments guys! Maybe I'll take this one into the studio sometime soon... Maybe I'll quit being lazy and post some of my songs on the net so you all can check them out...

But thanks again! There's still a few lines that bug me... Atleast I have the flow of the song down though. Here's some of the minor changes...

I've changed "Gives what we need to walk on" to "It's what we need to walk on" I like it better without the repeated "Gives"

I've changed "two things don't fit till they fall in love" to "Two things don't fit till they've fallen in love" The extra syllable actually flows better.

I've changed "tell me that it's funny" to "things have changed just because". It seems to work better with the rhymes as well as give more of that flow that I was looking for...

I also tried it with a few drum beats last night. I laid down a pretty nice one with a djembe drum to keep the sound really simple... and I added a breakdown to the end of the song... after the "as long as there's love every little thing is gonna be alright" part I up the tempo a little bit and added a little jam part. I think I'm going to leave that part just for when I play it live though... we'll see.
# 5
lilifield
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Joined: 07/12/06
Posts: 31
lilifield
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Joined: 07/12/06
Posts: 31
08/08/2006 3:32 am
Wow... I just now saw this. AmAzInG and I love it. So sweet.
# 6
guitarboy313
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Joined: 10/13/05
Posts: 85
guitarboy313
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Joined: 10/13/05
Posts: 85
08/16/2006 3:03 pm
More of a piano song to me. Would go really good with a piano actually. Maybe with a nylon/classical guitar it would work to but piano is the best way to go or both.
[FONT=Comic Sans MS]Everything is over rated except guitars drums basses and pianos.[/FONT]
# 7

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